“A thorn in the flesh.” A New Testament quip. A convenient ribbon to tie up struggles of the Christian life and attribute it to Satan himself. Or, in the alternative, a phrase that is dismissed as a benign statement of Paul who was using hyperbole. Or perhaps a mental anguish, by all accounts “deserved”, as a perverted penance for his past. Or maybe it was God’s way of telling Paul “Check yo’self before you wreck yo’self!”
“So to keep me from becoming conceited...a thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan to harrass me...Three times I pleaded with the Lord about this, that it should leave me. But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’” -- 2nd Corinthians 12:7-9
But let me tell you: This passage is all too real for me, today, in the 21st Century.
A little preface: In our church community we practice the idea of oikos (no not the greek yogurt). Oikos is a greek word translated to “household”. These are the 8-15 people God has supernaturally and strategically placed on the front row of our lives, to whom we are called to do life with, pray with and for, and share the good news of Christ. Some may be Christians, some may be unbelievers. Some may be family, others friends. Some may be coworkers, others may be clients or customers. Regardless of what they are to you, God has brought them into your daily/weekly traffic pattern as a ministry of the Kingdom.
A part of that intimacy with oikos, sharing our stories is integral to fostering a deeper community and understanding of Christ’s work in each other’s lives.
As such, I would like to take a few minutes to share my story and why this particular piece of scripture takes up precious real estate in my heart.
* * *
When I was 15, I was [finally] diagnosed with Gastroesophageal Reflux Disease. This is more than your typical “I ate too much” type of heartburn. This is chronic. This is over and over and over again. I joke that I didn’t sleep for 4 years. But, that’s hardly a joke. I slept maybe 3 hours per night due to pain, nausea, and acid refluxing into my esophagus continuously. I missed nearly 70% of 8th grade. I missed close to 50% of Freshman and Sophomore years in high school.
My parents and I were desperate. I had teams of pediatric specialists working on my “case”. Some thought it was psychosomatic. So, I was put into therapy and put on antidepressants. During one “episode” a children’s hospital ER doc told my parents it was all in my head and prescribed klonopin. For those who are unfamiliar, let me orient you: you get the dopest high of your f***ing life. You are a zombie. You simply go numb and drift into a sleep-like state of mind. The upside: my “symptoms” went away. The downside: It’s only because I was flying high on tranks. ...As a 12 year old.
Hundreds of scans, blood draws, ER visits, sleepless nights, and crazy GI pain. They looked for cancer. They looked for ulcers. They looked for perforated bowels. They looked for liver dysfunction. They looked for internal bleeding. Everything was “not it”. Until finally a godsend in the form of a pediatric gastroenterologist.
The gist was that my Lower Esophageal Sphincter was not functioning properly. One of the final tests I took was a probe that went through my nose, sinuses, and into my esophagus, and it stayed in for 24 hours to measure the frequency and “height” of acid refluxing back into my esophagus from my stomach. ...A normal person refluxes approximately 6 times within a 24 hour period. I refluxed 94 times. This, coupled with the finding of precancerous tissue in my esophagus during my third endoscopy, was enough to get approved for a Nissen Fundoplication -- a surgical procedure that uses a part of the stomach to surgically reinforce the malfunctioning sphincter. I remember the day so clearly. December 29, 2007.
Talk about the prospect of removing a HUGE thorn from my flesh. Thank the God in Heaven for providing a ridiculously qualified pediatric thoracic surgeon!
But you know what’s crazy?: God did not remove the thorn completely. To this day I live with residuals from my jacked up anatomy.
Fast Forward to age 19. I began having severe shoulder and side pain. Doctors began treating it with muscle relaxers, massage therapy, and chiropractic. No improvement.
Let the blood work and scans commence. After more than a year of side stomach pain, the doctors had nearly given up. I was once again prescribed therapy and antidepressants. PLUS Oxy! For F***s Sake!!
I begged and pleaded with God to remove the thorn.
Then, finally, over the summer between my Sophomore and Junior years of college (after three months of being on increasingly larger doses of Oxy), the Lord provided a surgeon who agreed to do something all doctors began suspecting was the issue: gallbladder removal.
Praise God for modern medicine!!
But you know what’s crazy?: God did not remove the thorn completely. To this day I live with residual side effects from no longer having a gallbladder.
Fast forward to age 28. I had experienced painful menstrual cycles for several years, but simply chalked it up to “every woman is different”. Similarly, I had been experiencing increased back and hip pain. But, I blamed it on being overweight and out of shape.
During my annual physical that year, my doc noticed something “enlarged” in my lower abdomen. After a few months of scans, ultrasounds, and (yes) more blood panels, the cause was revealed: three LARGE (think grapefruit size) uterine fibroids. And yes, that meant another surgery.
On November 8, 2019, I had a fairly major surgery to remove the fibroids. I was so blessed to have a very competent gynecologist! After two nights in the hospital, approximately 30 sutures, and two IV iron transfusions later, I was on the road back to my normal.
But you know what’s crazy?: God did not remove the thorn completely. I was left with a heavily damaged uterus, one "good" ovary, and one “mostly dead” ovary that still causes occasional pain. (Yes; it’s okay if you read “mostly dead” in Miracle Max’s voice -- from The Princess Bride. lol!)
Don’t get me wrong. I am blessed. My health is leaps and bounds better than it ever was. But, God does a curious thing sometimes. He knows exactly how to bring us to our knees. We are brought to our knees not out of punishment, but out of an imperative of humility and sacrifice of self, and His utter joy of being our Jehovah Jireh.
We are called to submit and surrender our lives to Christ; to take up our crosses daily. But, we get tired. We get annoyed.
Even when I really feel like I’m doing alright with giving my concerns and insecurities over to the Lord, there comes a point. We all have one. That line we aren’t quite willing to cross. Like, “Okay God. I know I’m called to depend on You, but I’m done.”
I am done trying. I am tempted to quit seeking and asking. Obviously what I am doing is not working. Apparently, God is not answering this prayer any time soon and I am tired. And we quit taking up that cross. We refuse to surrender ourselves to Him any longer.
Well, that’s quite foolish innit?
BUT, that’s exactly it. That’s the deal. That’s the secret.
I approach that line and instead of being conceited and shutting Him out, I must lean further into His grace, goodness, mercy, and authority. And in His sovereignty, He allows thorns to invade our flesh as an operation to expose our dependence on Him and in furtherance of His glory.
So, having identified my “thorn”, my attention turns to how God can use the “messenger of Satan” for His own glory. Why would God tempt me in such a way? Is God that cruel or sadistic?
Ummmm, NO. “...for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.” -- James 1:13-14
However, the Father does test us. “...for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” -- James 1:3-4
When we lay down our crowns at the feet of Jesus, trusting and resting in the hands of our savior, our thorns do not become simply ‘manageable’. Our discarded crowns cry out and testify to the faithfulness of God and His promises. In this we find joy in our salvation and hope in the gospel and person of our High Priest.
What’s your thorn? It may not be a physical manifestation; it might be an emotional or mental trigger. I challenge you to search your life, heart, and mind to see if you can articulate a thorn. When you do, the process of dying to self becomes a little less arduous.
Prone to wander, Lord I feel it. Prone to leave the God I love.
Here’s my heart, oh, take it, seal it. Seal it for Thy courts above.
“Now to him who is able to keep you from stumbling and to present you blameless before the presence of his glory with great joy, to the only God, our Savior, through Jesus Christ our Lord, be glory, majesty, dominion, and authority, before all time and now and forever. Amen.”
-- Jude 24-25
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